How Does Infidelity Affect the Divorce Mediation Process?

If your marriage is ending due to infidelity, it can add a significant emotional burden to the divorce process. Most spouses want to know whether they can hold the infidelity against the cheating partner, to get a better divorce settlement.

How does New York treat infidelity?

Although New York does recognize adultery as grounds for an at-fault divorce, choosing divorce mediation means that a judge will not be involved in your divorce, except to review your agreement and approve the dissolution. If you and your spouse can come to an agreement about what the cheating spouse “owes” the other, that’s all you need. If, however, you cannot reach an agreement, you may end up needing to go to court. It is certainly possible to prove that your ex was unfaithful, and therefore you should get a larger settlement, but it can be financially and emotionally draining. In many cases, fighting over a better settlement isn’t worth it.

Pre- and post-nuptial agreements

If you have a pre- or post-nuptial agreement with your ex, that agreement is likely binding. Many nuptial agreements include an infidelity clause, in which one spouse gets a better settlement should the other be unfaithful.

Handling the emotional burden

Because infidelity is such a betrayal, it can make divorce especially difficult. If you choose mediation, remember that the point is to come to an agreement together, rather than fighting it out in front of a judge. Therefore, be sure to remain calm and drop your desire to get revenge on your ex—this is an unproductive way to approach the divorce mediation process.

In some cases, mediation simply isn’t a good idea: perhaps one spouse is vindictive and refuses to come to an agreement, or doesn’t actually want to divorce in the first place. While mediation is a great tool, it’s not always right for everyone.

If you’re considering divorce, call the experienced Long Island divorce mediators at Solutions Divorce Mediation today.