Are Gravity Problems Impeding Your Divorce Solution?
In divorce mediation, as in life, there are certain problems you can fix and others that you have to live with. Confusing the two can make it difficult to achieve a successful resolution. Your ability to identify which problems you can solve and which you can’t makes all the difference in your divorce mediation. Confusing the two can cause you to spin your wheels and relive all the conflicts of your marriage but bring you no closer to a settlement you can take to court.
In some circles, these insolvable conflicts are known as gravity problems, because they are physical realities that do not bend to our will. Management consultant and Stanford University lecturer Dave Evans uses mountain biking as a metaphor. As the cyclist is pedaling uphill, gravity holds him back. Now, there are many circumstances the cyclist can change to improve his ride: improve his conditioning, eat a power bar, hydrate, ride in cooler weather, and even choose a gentler slope. But he cannot change gravity.
So, what are the gravity problems in your divorce mediation? They could be any or all of these:
- Your income
- Your current debt load
- The number of your children
But a gravity problem can also be less tangible, such as your spouse’s passive-aggressive behavior, substance abuse, or anger issues. If you tried throughout the course of your marriage to change that unsuccessfully, you’re not going to rectify the problem in a few sessions of divorce mediation.
If you enter divorce mediation thinking this is your last chance to solve a gravity problem, that this is your best opportunity to solve a gravity problem, or that you must solve the gravity problem before you can get around to the other details, your mediation is going to go nowhere. Like the cyclist pedaling uphill, you’ve got to stop trying to alter the laws of physics and work on the circumstances you can change.
To learn more about mediating your divorce, call Solutions Divorce Mediation, Inc. at 1.631.683.8172 or contact our Long Island office online.