How to Tell During Your Sessions That You Have a Good Mediator

You can do a lot of research about a mediator before choosing them to handle your divorce, but you’ll never truly know exactly how good of a fit they are until you get into your first session.

So what are some of the signs that you and your spouse are working with a good mediator? Here are a few examples.

• You can tell they’re listening and empathizing with both parties: It’s always good to feel like you’re being heard. But your mediator should also very clearly be listening to and empathizing with your spouse as well. Their entire job is to be neutral and to gain an understanding of both of your points of view and priorities. It should actually be a red flag if it feels like they’re focusing too much on you, despite how reassuring it might feel in the moment. Mediators should be active listeners to both spouses.
• They don’t make any judgments: Mediators should listen without judgment. They should not be focused on determining who is right or wrong, or who is more or less worthy in a certain issue. Instead, their focus should be on gathering as much information as possible. If it feels as though it’s difficult to read their emotions or how they’re thinking of you, that’s good—you don’t want them making any judgments on you as people. Their focus should be helping.
• They are prepared for dealing with disagreements: When the tension starts to rise, a good mediator will sense that and be prepared with strategies to defuse the situation. Different types of strategies work with different types of people and situations, and a good mediator will know exactly what to use and when.

For more examples of some of the key traits of quality mediators, contact an experienced Long Island divorce mediator at Solutions Divorce Mediation.