Keeping Hate and Family Destruction Out of the Divorce Process

No one benefits when ex-spouses continue to battle after the marriage is dissolved. If the fighting parties have children together, parental relationships could be torn apart. Fortunately, there are ways to manage the divorce process amicably so that everyone can move forward in a positive manner. Resolving disagreements through mediation, keeping your priorities in order and maintaining the right attitude can increase the likelihood of a peaceful future following your divorce.

No matter how difficult your conflicts might seem, there are concrete ways to help end your marriage without hating your former spouse:

• Avoid the urge to seek a legal or emotional “victory” — During a divorce, people sometimes focus on getting some sort of definitive declaration that they were right and their spouse was wrong. This rarely occurs. Even a favorable result in court doesn’t necessarily produce a feeling of satisfaction. Through mediation, the parties can stay away from the adversarial system that often worsens an already tense situation.
• Concentrate on the needs of your children — When parents divorce, both spouses should have similar goals for the well-being of their children. Don’t let an argument over alimony or possession of a certain household item interfere with establishing mutually agreeable custody and visitation guidelines. Before and after the agreement is reached, avoid criticizing your ex in front of your children.
• Resist people who turn you against your ex — Well-meaning friends and relatives might encourage you to make a “clean break” or to hold your former spouse accountable. In some situations, this might be good advice, but you should trust your instincts because no one else truly understands your feelings and priorities. Sometimes your ex, who is going through similar challenges, may lend an empathetic ear. Habits that drove you crazy while you were married might be tolerable now that you’re on your own. If maintaining a friendly bond seems right, don’t let someone talk you out of it.

Keeping your focus on what’s important and encouraging your former partner to do the same promotes a post-divorce relationship that might not be blissful, but will be free of undue anger and bitterness.

Solutions Divorce Mediation in Dix Hills, NY assists divorcing spouses in Long Island who seek to reduce tension and maintain friendly relations with their ex. Please call 1.631.683.8172 or contact us online to schedule a free initial consultation and learn how we can help.