What Does “Winning” Actually Mean in Divorce?

What Does “Winning” Actually Mean in Divorce?

For some, the goal of their divorce is to come out and feel like they’ve “won.”

But what exactly does “winning” mean in the context of a divorce, and is this mindset perhaps a destructive one?

Winners and losers

Part of the problem with the idea of wanting to “win” (or that someone even can “win”) in a divorce is that it inherently implies that the other party will “lose.” This immediately creates a more competitive and confrontational element for the divorce that could create an unnecessary barrier to successful communication.

It should be noted that there is a difference between having setting goals for an outcome (especially with certain high-priority issues) and having a “winners and losers” mindset in the divorce. You absolutely should have a solid understanding of your priority issues before you begin the divorce process and should be a strong advocate for yourself and your interests in mediation settings.

That does not mean, though, that any time your spouse gets something they want that they have “won” (or that you have lost). It also does not mean that any time you get something you want you have “won” that issue. Ultimately the goal is to create an equitable post-divorce arrangement that takes into account both parties’ circumstances (and the best interests of any children you may have). If either party can come away feeling as though they have clearly won the divorce, it means the arrangement likely was not an equitable one.

To learn more about navigating some of the biggest challenges of divorce and how to advocate for your own interests in an appropriate manner, contact a trusted Long Island divorce lawyer at Solutions Divorce Mediation.

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